Headlines from 2006 (a Precision Guided Humor Assignment from The Alliance of Free Blogs)

Jean Fraud sKerry Booted from Senate Boys’ Club
Senator caught “cheating at solitaire” on the Senate floor: “We’ve endured a lot, but this sort of public self-abuse is just too much even for me,” said newly-elected Senate Minority leader Jerry Springer…

Paris Hilton’s Brain Found!
Gardener discovers shrink-wrapped box in gardening shed: DNA tests reveals it to be the long lost brain of Paris Hilton…

Hillary Clintoon Implodes!
Thursday, the black hole that was her soul finally sucked the Wicked Witch of the East into the Wormhole to Hell…

Intelligent Life Discovered in Washington D.C.
Deep within the bowels of the sewers under Capitol Hill, scientists have discovered a life form alien to that most political of climes: intelligent life. For now, scientists must study the creatures in the sewers where they are currently living. They refuse to come out into the light of day until the toxic waste dump overhead is cleared. “I’d rather drink sewer water than breathe the stench that issues from congresscritters’ mouths,” quoth Thhbbbbbtttttt!!!, the apparent leader of the autochthons. The stalemate between Congress, which refuses to clear out of Washington, and the sewer dwellers, whose claim to the land predates that of Congress, seems destined to continue as Senate Democrats filibuster…

Giant Earthquake Shakes Mideast: Mecca becomes a sinkhole
Splodeydope Islamic terrorists claim it is a “Zionist–American attack” and announce a mass suicide bombing (Tuesday, next, the Prophet’s Mosque: Medina, Saudi Arabia. Limited space available. BYOB.) while scientists say “Thhbbbbbtttttt!!!

Advertisements