Precision Guided Humor Assignment Reminder: What consequences would you like to befall Newsweek for running the fake Koran-flushing story? due by 9pm EDT Wednesday, May 25th. Late entries must be accompanied by a lame excuse.
‘K Harvey, et al.  Since I’m all full of sweetness and light, wouldn’t hurt a fly, butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth, yadayadayada, here’s my modest proposal for a simple reminder to the Newsweak folks to do a little fact-checking (and to have a biopsy done on that ugly lump on their collective back: looks like malignant bias to anyone with two functioning brain cells) before running another lie:
Every single solitary person who works for Newsweak in any capacity connected to any word that ever gets printed MUST be given a Swirly Tutorial by each and every member of the military stationed at Gitmo.
  1. Line up all the dweebs who work for Newsweak.
  2. One at a time, the personnel at gitmo give swirlies to a single employee until the Gitmo personnel are too pooped to give that ONE dweeb another swirly. (Gonna take a while: those marines are in good shape.)
  3. Rest the Gitmo personnel for tomorrow’s lesson taught to the next Newsweak dweeb.
  4. Keep the newsweak dweebs standing in line while the Gitmo folks nap.
  5. Repeat with next Newsweak dweeb until all have toilet-fresh hair.
Combine each Speech-impaired Piscine’s* physical lesson with, “See? Your head’s smaller than the typical Koran, and it’s still not flushing down the toilet.  Got it?”  Eventually, some of them will learn.  Maybe.
Followup tutorial:
If Newsweak dweebs repeat error of lying about the military in spite of Swirly Tutorial, next tutorial:
“How to hold a target at Marine rifleman training.”
*”Speech-impaired Piscine”—Dumb Bass, of course.